Archive for June, 2013

Certain Uncertainty

Always in motion

Struggling to stand

On shifting sands

On ground that moves

I fall

I tumble

I plummet

Into ever rolling, crashing waves

Of change

Of questions unanswered

I fight

I struggle

I yearn

For safe and routine

Sameness

But there is nothing truly constant

There is no certainty

The only certainty

Is uncertainty

Unless…

I reach for the hand

That is unseen

Not flesh

But felt nonetheless

If I choose to allow myself to feel the presence

Of the One Constant

Of the One Never Changing

Of the One Certainty.

To reach for this unseen hand requires trust that it is there

Trust that can never fail to benefit

In countless, unfathomable ways.

We are finite, incredibly small human beings in a world of twists and turns within a maze of incredible complexity called life. There is really only one thing that is truly predictable: Uncertainty. We can all count on being touched by various levels of uncertainty in one way or another.  We are not capable of having definitive answers for everything that we face. I know this, but I don’t act as though I do. This reality is very hard to swallow for such a detail obsessed, analytical, deep thinker. My actions indicate that if I just seek desperately enough, I can find all the answers…but of course that is impossible.

Come with me as I take this further.  Let’s take the ever-present uncertainty and add another familiar element:  Trust.  I read a quote not too long ago from Joyce Meyer:  “Trust requires unanswered questions.”  I am absolutely sure that wherever she was when she said or wrote this, she was thinking of me.  🙂 Unanswered questions…that is the essence of uncertainty.

Joyce’s short sentence is so true when you think about it – in any relationship.  But this idea of acknowledging the existence of uncertainty, or unanswered questions, is even more applicable on a spiritual level.  God is real.  Jesus is real.  The Holy Spirit is real.  But this reality is on a level that we are never meant to completely understand.  Knowing that we will never completely “get it”, at least in this life, can be incredibly hard to deal with if we (and I mean me) yearn to grasp hold of every detail of the why and how and when and where.  Certain uncertainty.  A certainty of unanswered questions.

From previous posts, you know that my natural tendency is to question everything.  And “everything” is not an exaggeration at all.  And not only that…  I don’t just question, I drill.  As in intense questioning.  Like someone who is arrested and placed n a holding cell to be questioned by authorities…many, many questions, and then the same questions asked over and over, and the same questions asked in different ways…all with the goal of getting the answers that are correct.  Or hopefully correct.  Or for me, getting that nagging uncertainty to a more manageable level…getting the answers that calm and make me comfortable again.  Or sort of comfortable.  That’s a whole other subject…

So get inside my head for a bit.  I’m so glad that God does not get tired of my questions.  For you see, I don’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Even in a case like this where I already know that answer, I need to understand!

I ask…

Did he run, walk, or jog? How wide was the road?  Was this a dangerous crossing with traffic?  What time of day was it?      What was the weather like that day?  Why did he want to get to the other side?  What frame of mind was he in when he chose to do this?  Was he satisfied when he achieved his goal?  Did he cross the road again afterwards to go back where he came from…or did he stay in this new place and find a new  home?  Was he alone or did he have a family to bring with him or abandon?

And I could go on indefinitely…but fortunately for you, my wonderful readers, I will stop.  🙂

Obviously, I have a really tough time just accepting anything.  But as Christians, that is what we are to do.  We are to simply accept and enjoy what we have been freely given, and we are to live to honor that gift and to show others just how much it means to us.

In the throes of absolute uncertainty, we can have…Certainty.  Certainty that will greatly enhance every aspect of our lives.  We have a source of joy, of hope, of strength, of peace,  of love…that is as infinite as our infinite God.  I have felt His presence at times in such a tangible way that can’t be explained but is no less real for lack of explanation.  I must admit that those times are hard to remember when I don’t experience that affirmation.  Yet I am called to live out what it means to trust God.  I am called to show what it looks like to have certainty in a world of uncertainty.

I have learned that to trust is a choice.  I can choose to trust someone I love, or I can choose not to.  I can choose to trust God, or not.  Either choice has plenty of ideas as to why it is or is not the right choice.  But I must choose.  And not only must I choose, I must continually choose.

Choosing to trust God, choosing the ultimate Certainty, is always the right choice.  I am definitely a work in progress, but my ultimate goal is to show by my actions that I truly believe that.  I want my life to exemplify that truth.

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